I can't complain.

December 12, 2014

  I just had a birthday. 23. Almost 25. I can't believe I'm another year older. I didn't really do much to celebrate. Do I ever? It kind of upsets me that my family has never taken birthdays seriously. For my birthday dinner, we went where I wanted to go, but I had to pay for myself AND my brother. Does that make sense? I thought I was supposed to be treated on my birthday? I always see people on social media get birthday surprise parties or big explanations about why his or her friend should have an awesome day, but I never get those. (I did get one this year. Thanks, bffl!) I don't expect them. But, I can't complain.

30 Days of Being Thankful: Days 27 through 30.

November 30, 2014

  Happy Thanksgiving weekend! I tried spending little time on my phone and a lot of time to enjoy cooking, shopping, sewing, talking, and just being with my mom for my break. It was a pretty good break. I can't complain. I had to get away from the work and health news that were bringing me down. I'm sick of not being good enough and having issues I can't control. This is a short post to finish off the 30 days of November. I'm ready for this year to be over.

  27. I'm thankful for my mom. She helped me forget about the work stress. We made two t-shirt quilts, cooked, watched movies, did a little bit of shopping, drank lots of coffee, and just relaxed. I don't see her much, but it was enough time to catch up and do most of what we wanted to do.

  28. I'm thankful for Colin Hay. He is just simply awesome. I love his lyrics and style of music. Ever since hearing his songs on Scrubs and Garden State, I've listened to more of his work and appreciated every song. Maggie gets me choked up every time. Colin has gotten me through some rough times, and I can't wait to finally see him this coming February! I hope I can get his autograph. Who knows, maybe I'll get out tattooed! (;

  29. I'm thankful for television. I've spend over two years "working" in television at school. It was a great experience and a great way to spend my time at school. I appreciate the positive aspects of television and what other inventions that have stemmed from it.

  30. I'm thankful for God. Do I need to explain? Even though it's been probably the worst year of my life, I'm still thankful for all the positive events and things that have happened this year. As there weren't many, I know that God must have something better in store and needed me to go through the negative and rough times to get to the positive and better.

30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 26.

November 26, 2014

  26. I'm thankful for my struggles and obstacles. It sounds weird for me to say that, but I am. Because of my recent issues, I have learned to appreciate when things do go the way as planned or even better than planned, and I am reminded of the people that I can lean on during these times.

  This year has been filled with a lot of difficulties. I haven't gotten a job in my field and today was just turned down an internal position that would have been a great confidence booster and step in the right direction. My weight has fluctuated a lot this year. I've gained but lost some friends. To top it all off, my doctor today confirmed I have PCOS.

  It took us three months to figure it out, but it is what it is. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm scared. I didn't do anything to cause this. There are already some physical symptoms present, hypoglycemia effects, and it's really scary. Because of all these issues, especially this recent diagnosis, I've noticed there are people around me that care. It's during times like this I can be happy and feel blessed to have support of family, old friends and even new friends and co workers.

  I don't know what future struggles come my way, but I'm thankful for them since I know I have people and God to comfort me. I can learn from each situation for the future, hopefully. I get stronger after each event, even if I don't feel that growing power or the capability to use that strength yet. It will help in the long run, but I sure wish there was something more immediate to help with the pain and worry.

30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 25.

November 25, 2014

  25. My closest friends. I have to be nothing less than thankful for them. I can't say much because words can't describe how much I've missed and still miss my best friends. The few high school friend that are in my life mean so much to me. I should treat them better, and I do try, but I can try harder. I hope to find more friends that I can share that kind of bond with, but nothing will take away from our experiences and what we have together.

Summer 2011. We were totally
immature. We're adults now...
We did yoga today then finished the night with wine, cheese and meats, and it was fantastic. Besides a few college friends, I have yet to meet friends that want to just chill like that on a weekday and talk. I wish I had more friends like that around here. I pray, quite often, that we all end up with jobs close so that I always have them near. I need them, and I hope they need me too. We'll be making a trip to get froyo before I leave for Michigan. I hate leaving them here since they won't be home again until Christmas, but two days is better than none.

30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 24.

November 24, 2014

  24. I'm thankful for yoga. I'm not that great at it, but it's an amazing way for me to release stress and a better form of exercise that has an effect on my mental health too. I'm more flexible, and when I actually attend classes, my stress decreases. I need to go to classes more often and get some videos. Yoga has also given my best friend and I another way to bond. We are different, but we are so alike in many ways, and this is just one of the ways he have gotten closer. I get to see her and another friend tomorrow and go to a class after a few months of missing it! I can't wait. (:

30 Days of Being Thankful: Days 21, 22 and 23.

November 23, 2014

  I spent the weekend reading, designing (like the new header?), doing laundry, writing a letter, watching The Newsroom, and hoping for good answers tomorrow. From hearing back from the doctor and the managers at work, I just want to feel relief in knowing answers. I finished the book Love Anthony by Lisa Genova. I liked it, but it didn't make me cry like I hoped.

  21. I'm thankful for Rob Paulsen (Twitter handle @yakkopinky). I enjoy his work, and he is a really good person. I know, from listening to his podcast, voice over actors are all good to their fans and genuine people. I grew up with Rob, without knowing it, through cartoon my brother and I watched nonstop when we were kids. As an adult, I have a higher appreciation and fondness for his craft. I have an autographed photo of him with his characters, and he signed it saying "Keep smiling." I see it as I walk out the door every day as a reminder to follow my heart, stay positive, stay young, and of course, I gotta smile. I don't smile as much as I could, so maybe I need to bring it to my work desk so I have a positive attitude at work. So, thanks, Rob, for being you and doing your thing.

  22. I'm thankful for Prospect High School. I love that place. Going back today is a whole new feeling, and it's a sad realization that it will never be the same for me; I'll never feel the way I felt in high school. Despite this, the lessons I learned and the tools I gained that help me in college are still with me. Without going into a long story, high school was a good time for me, and I learned about myself, as most people probably do. I was surrounded with the right people at the right time to get through the hardships that come with growing up and coping I had to go through when I found out I have a learning disability.

Magenta Muskingum in 2012?
Photoshop, of course.
  23. I'm thankful for Photoshop and Illustrator. I can't draw. I'm getting better. Illustrator helps me with where I lack in drawing. It took a long time to just get decent at it, and I still have a lot more I need to learn. We used Photoshop for yearbook and newspaper, so my love for photography and design was heightened and developed because of the program. Thanks, Adobe, for the awesome software!

30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 20

November 20, 2014
  One week until Thanksgiving! There's also less than 2 weeks until I turn 23. Say what?! Maybe I should start acting for like it.. haha. I act mature enough for my age! I'm excited for Thanksgiving and a little break from Illinois. I'll be heading to Michigan for my mom's. My stepdad and I don't always see eye to eye, but he sure makes a delish turkey! I'll be making a quilt, baking, maybe shopping a little, and taking some photos.

Seattle, Washington in late October.
  20. I'm thankful for my camera and the past cameras I've owned and used. Photography had played a tremendous role in my life. Since I was little, I always loved taking pictures of people. I have a lot of pictures from junior high of everyone else but myself. In high school, working on yearbook then the newspaper allowed me to do t professionally, and now my photos will live on since being published in yearbooks and newspapers in college as well. I don't get to take pictures as a career, but I could always do it in a freelance setting. I did get to miss out on being the subject of my photos, bit that's what happens when you love being behind the camera too. I hope to continue photography, and even videography, as I travel and have new experiences in life.

30 Days of Being Thankful: Days 18 and 19.

November 19, 2014

  I had my doctor's visit today... we are one test away from an official answer. As great as it is to finally know what's wrong, it totally sucks knowing I have something incurable. No, I'm not going to die, but it's still incurable, and I just have to live with it. Generalized Anxiety, skin picking, irregular hip placement to make my legs two different lengths, a learning/reading disability, now this hormone issue... does my body want to add something else to the list?!

  18. I'm thankful for the Internet. It's awesome. You can't deny that. Even though electronics and the web may have brought distractions and other problems, it has given us a lot of advantages too. One of the biggest positives from the Internet is being able to connect with others. We can share photos, videos, stories, and have conversations with family and friends. We can also meet new people just because or to get support or insight on a specific topic. When snail mail doesn't do the trick, I love getting emails or pictures from people to get an update on his or her life. Yay for keeping friendships!

  19. I'm thankful for ice cream and frozen yogurt. After dinner today, I finished the last of the cookies and creme ice cream to half cheer me up, half celebrate actually being close to an answer to my woman problem. I think I like froyo better than ice cream, but each bring a smile to my face (when I don't eat too much of it) and remind me to take pleasure in the guilty pleasures in life. Froyo can be healthy in small amount, true, but it's not something to have daily. Do you know what I want for my birthday?! A regular cake? No! If I'm getting a cake, it better be an ice cream cake! Haha. I want froyo for my birthday more than a cake, just sayin'.

30 Days of Being Thankful: Days 12 through 17.

  November 17, 2014

  I gotta make this a quick one... I have some books to get. After finishing Me Before You by Jojo Moyes, I'm determined to find a book that will make me cry. This one was close, but it didn't make me budge. Without ruining it for you, it's a story about a 27 year old woman who takes a position as a caregiver for a quadriplegic man who's sarcastic and once full of life but now, not so much. She is a really good writer, and I recommend this one to all fellow readers. It's a pretty quick read, so what are you waiting for?!

30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 11.

November 11, 2014.

  11. I'm thankful for authors and books. "I dislike reading" is something I would have said on a daily basis until about two years ago. When I was in high school especially, I avoided reading unless I absolutely had to for class. Even then, I'd skim through the pages of novels and text books and try to obtain only the information I needed to know. It was hard to comprehend what I was reading when I didn't understand my reading disability and how to overcome that challenge. Now, especially since I'm out of school, I look forward to reading. It's a new outlet and way to use my my brain. I choose what I want to read, and I usually enjoy my choices. Of course there's a novel or two I get disappointed with at the end, but I don't regret it.

  I enjoy books that I can relate to and autobiographies. Fiction or nonfiction, I prefer to read a book that is somewhat realistic and can potentially happen in real life. I read the Harry Potter series, but it was hard to read at times because I will never be able to play Quidditch or use an invisibility cloak. If I can't do it in real life, it's hard for me to imagine it for myself and really immerse myself into the book. I enjoyed reading the series, like the majority, but I'd rather watch the film than read it. I'm thankful for books because it's helped me express myself with my own attempts of writing within this blog, personal poetry and writing professionally (when I was in school and had journalism jobs). I also appreciate the authors that spend countless hours formulating the best sentences and sharing incredible stories, whether based on actual events or just story truths.

30 Days of Being Thankful: Days 8, 9 and 10.

November 10, 2014

  I'm not in the best mood today. I don't know what it is. My weekend was great. Even though I ate the way that I know I shouldn't be eating, I learned the importance of family and making good decisions in life. It's good to be safe and protective. When it comes to relationships, don't jump into commitment and take your time. It'll suck to have to keep someone in your life when he or she isn't supposed to be, but has to because of circumstances. I can't technically get pregnant anytime soon, but when I do, I know it will be with the man I'm spending the rest of my life with because of choice, not because we have a child binding us together. Anyways...

30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 7

November 7, 2014
  7. I'm thankful for my family. I don't have a lot of time for this one... I'm at my Aunt's house right now. I wanted to see her and the family more, so I decided to pick a date and stick to it. We played Monopoly, ate pizza and are now watching a movie. I don't spend a lot of time with them like I should, but I'm working on it. I appreciate that I have people to turn to if I'm ever in trouble. I know they have my back, and I know I need to start taking advantage of that. My little cuz wants me to pay attention to 21 Jump Street, so maybe I'll tell a little more about my family at another time. I'll be going to his football games tomorrow. I wish I brought my camera!

30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 6

November 6th, 2014

  The weather is getting much worse. The polar vortex, or whatever, is coming to Chicago. Yes! Just kidding... about the yes. Being a cold person, I am not ready for this nonsense. Time to pull out the parkas and extra thick socks.

  6. I have to say I'm especially thankful to my doctor this past month. I really like my doctor, my specialist that is. I switched regular doctors at my family place; I'm actually also thankful for David, we'll call him, too. He's younger than the other guy I had, and he seems to be more about the patient than about the money. David's super chill and more understanding. When he couldn't find a clear answer to my problems, he referred me to one of his specialist friends down the road to help figure out these issues.

30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 5

November 5, 2014

  I am still having a hard time believing it's November. Can we go back to June, please?! I keep thinking tomorrow it's Friday, but of course it isn't. Just tomorrow and Friday, then the weekend again!

  5. I'm thankful for my (old) Ford Taurus. I recently got rid of my first car. Well, my first car was technically some Mazda, but I never got to drive it since it died before I got to have it. My mom and step dad got me my first car for graduation. It had probably around 130k miles when I first got it (maybe more like 150k...), but it worked for the most part. I had to put some money into it that I really didn't want to spend, but it was worth it while it lasted. I can't complain because I didn't have to pay to get the car. A lot of teens either have to pay for everything or give his or her parents partial for it. I'm thankful I had a car the years I really couldn't afford it and for my parents allowing me to have it and pitching in when needed.

  I now have my dream car brand and model: Toyota Rav4 L. I have a sunroof and everything! It's a 2002 with just over 100k on it, and I'm going to make it last for 10 plus years. The only problem I'm having is getting the keyless remotes to work since the seller didn't have them, but hopefully I can get everything to work without too much money out of my pocket. Any mechanics want to help for super cheap?! (;

30 Days of Being Thankful: Days 1 through 4.

November 4, 2014

  I should have remembered this before November rolled around. Whoops, haha. I saw someone on Facebook do this, and I remember seeing this last year. Since it is November, the month of Thanksgiving, it's more than a better time to share what I'm thankful for and to take the opportunity to thank the people and things in my life that I appreciate. Is there a specific order or this thing? My list doesn't have a specific order, so don't get disappointed if a specific food comes before something that may be more important!

1. I'm thankful for my dad. Recently, he's been a very supportive parent. When it comes to getting me a new car and dealing with my mood swings, I don't know how he does it. I'm thankful for his patience, care, increase in support, and friendship. I honestly don't know what I would do without him sometimes. He's proud of me, I think, and I'm thankful that he wants to see me do well and shows interest in my career goals. He also has been sympathetic since having to deal with my recent health concerns.

2. I'm thankful for a somewhat healthy body. I say somewhat because I am currently dealing with some issues I'm not sure I have 100 percent control over. Other than the issue of not being able to have a child in the future and my mental health (anxiety), I am pretty darn healthy. When I had my blood tests done, my doctor told me I could eat more cholesterol if I wanted to! I'm thankful that I can work out, walk long distances without having breathing issues, work multiple jobs and not have my body break down, sleep at night... things like that. I'm not perfect physically, but I have nothing too major to complain about.

3. I'm thankful for Aldi. Yeah, that sounds kind of silly, but it doesn't to me. I worry about money, too much, that my anxiety sometimes goes through the roof. Aldi keeps me sane when I go food shopping. I know I'm saving on the majority of the items I'm buying. So, thank you, Aldi, for continuing to expand on the products you offer and helping me save money!

4. I'm thankful for the Mount Prospect Park District. I've been working for the district for four years now, and even though I've had my ups and downs with some of the managers, I've always been welcome to come back every season and now throughout the year. I still wasn't finding a full time job, and when I asked if there were any days that needed filled for lessons, I was welcomed back. Now, I work three times a week. It's not a large chuck of money, but it helps with paying gas and little non-necessities in life. I enjoy the kids I work with (most of the time), and I appreciate being able to work a second job by choice that's more than minimum wage and doing something I only dread... sometimes.

Time Lapse attempt: mission complete.

November 2nd, 2014.

  One month until I'm 23. Where did this year go?! Anyhow, it's about time I made an attempt with this time lapse thing.

  Here ya go:


  I took a picture every 30 seconds. I didn't do any major editing to the photos. Of course a little photo editing is in order, but I just wanted to get it finished and see if I understood how to put it all together. 

  Unfortunately, I didn't take enough pictures for a long enough period of time, either, so that's why the time lapse is very short. It was worth the experiment, though. I finally figured out how to use Photoshop to align the photos then to put it all together in After Effects. I have a highway one to put together that I will hopefully post soon.

A real vacation this time, plus business.

November 1st, 2014

We didn't win, but this
is more than enough!
  Seattle!! I went to Seattle last weekend for the CBI convention/conference since I was a part of a crew that produced a finalist broadcast from last school year. The Bomb Threat special was really emotional for me, so I'm ecstatic that the work I put into it paid off. I directed, produced, wrote, made graphics, got some video footage... yeah. I did stuff for it, haha. We were up against some really large stations, and I'm happy that we were just a finalist among the 800 plus entries. I mean, some of these stations had twice or three times the staff than we did.

Daddy's little girl.

October 12th, 2014
Dad and I at the Cubs games
this summer.
  I think that's an understatement. I really am my Dad's favorite and little girl.
  It's been something on my mind recently, and I can say despite not always being the right "father figure" for me when seeing him as a parent, he truly does care for and love me. He puts up with my anxiety, mood swings, horrible golf skills, and many other things. I should appreciate him more for it. He's an interesting guy, to say the least.
  Not born in this country, you wouldn't know it because he came here when he was nine and had time to "Americanize" himself. He loves golf, eating, the Denver Broncos, real football (soccer), food, cherry flavored Pepsi, RC and Dr. Pepper, the Chicago Cubs, ice cream and popsicles, and his children. Did I mention he loves food and eating?!

Find myself again.

October 9, 2014
  It's October... really?! Where did this year go?! I'm just finding it hard to believe 2014 is reaching its end so soon. Surprisingly, I have gone on many adventures, and I still have a few more to embark on before the year's out.
  One thing I've been thinking about is finding oneself. We spend high school making the friends we want to call lifetime friends, striving to attend the best college to become working professionals, figuring out what hobbies want to be taken more seriously... we then have to do it all over again after obtaining a degree. Whether it's finding a job, continuing to graduate school or traveling the world while being young, the cycle starts again, maybe just for some of us.

My weekend visit to Ohio.

July 24, 2014

  You're crazy, they said. That's a waste of money and time, they said.

My favorite building
on campus.
  Do I care? No. I rented a car and hit the road at 1 am Saturday morning to Ohio and made it back home at 9:30 pm Sunday night. Do you think I'm crazy?

Unavoidable fear.

June 16, 2014
  I'm not afraid to admit it: I have flaws. I have anxiety. I have fear.
  What I have been thinking about in the past few hours is my fear of losing someone close to me. Not fear of losing a friend because of distance and poor communication skills, but losing someone I couldn't imagine not having in life because of death.
  I don't know whether to say it's a blessing or a future struggle, but I haven't lost a family member, friend or mentor at an age when I understood death; I lost a grandfather when I wasn't even born, and I lost the other when I was very young. I've had students I didn't know well die. I've had my teachers' family members pass on. I've haven't had someone close in my life pass away. I've never had to deal with that pain before.
  I would say the closest person that I have lost in my life is Coach Donna Newberry. I was fortunate to meet her before she passed, but I wasn't lucky enough to call her my coach for as long as I thought I was going to. She only got to see me at practice three times. Even though softball wasn't something I was able to stay committed to at Muskigum, she is the reason I went to school there, brought God in my life and taught me great life lessons. Even though that part in my life was hard, I couldn't imagine losing someone even closer to me in life at this point in time.
  I'm scared now more than ever that when that time comes, I won't be able to handle the emotion that comes with it. I'm not trying to say I wish I had to experience it sooner, but it's a life event that seems to be stalling its arrival. The worst part of this fact is I was unable to help friends around me when he or she had to experience loss. I've never had to, so I didn't know how to put myself in those shoes. It's a daunting feeling.
  I'm not really sure the point I'm trying to make here, but it makes me want to see everyone I love this summer once because the joy of my friends' and family's love and support could decrease before I know it and before I can show my love and appreciation back.

'No other love.'

May 2014

  I can't say I'm an expert on love, any kind of love, but I know I've felt multiple types of love immensely these past months since leaving college in December. The affection that's been sent my way has been extraordinary. It's not from a whole lot of people, but it's more than enough for me. I feel that there are different types of affection for people:

The long magenta line.. and a long blog post.

May 13th, 2014
  I did it.. part two! I went back to Muskingum to walk and be honored in front of my classmates, professors, family, and friends as a graduate of the 169th class. (Our school is off exit 169; how cool is that connection?!)

  Even though I technically graduated in 2013, I walked with my incoming class, which was an amazing, honorable experience. I was sad to not see some fellow December grads come back, but it was still a great time. It did rain, which makes two raining graduations for me! At least this time, the rain didn't ruin the whole ceremony.

'The Fault in Our Stars.'

February 27, 2014
I love this book.

  I'm starting this thing where I read a book then design a cover that I feel suits the book. It's something fun I hope to do all year, and until I stop reading books. The best part about it is that it doesn't matter what other people think because it's for me and how I imagined the characters, if I choose to put them on the cover.

Self portrait.

February 23rd, 2014

  Wow, it's almost March! 2014 has not been kind to me. I need to evaluate myself. I have a lot of goals I want to achieve, and I feel like I've lost myself since leaving college. I miss my friends. I miss the support from my professors. It's strange to not be able to talk to them everyday for advice.

Entering adulthood is hard.

January 27, 2014
  January went by waaaay too fast! It probably felt like it because it was full of emotion, job interviews, car mishaps, and reading.

Job hunt.

January 14, 2014
  Finding jobs are the easy part; the hard part is getting the interview is going through the process of it. I got my first glimpse of going through the rounds these past couple of days.

Voice actor fascination!

January 11, 2014
  Like I said before, I'm trying to keep my Illustrator skills sharp, so I recreated four of Rob Paulsen's characters. He is one my favorite voice over actors because he is such a down to earth, normal famous actor. I'm not saying others aren't, but Rob just seems like someone who definitely didn't let show business get to him.
Created by myself using Adobe Illustrator. Just my interp.!

Just a little design fun.

January 11, 2014
Donatello graphic by me. My interpretation of the awesome turtle!
  I want to keep my Illustrator skills sharp, so I'm in the process of making a Rob Paulsen banner. Why? Because, I love his characters, and I enjoy recreating cartoon-like graphics. I hope he likes the first character of the few I'm doing. I love the look of the newest Ninja Turtle TV series. Rob used to be Rafael, but he's now voicing Donatello, and I adore Donatello! So, here's to Donatello!

Res·o·lu·tion

January 10, 2014
  So, I was thinking about the "resolutions" that I have for the new year, and I just kept thinking about the word "resolution".  I just really don't like that word. It makes more sense to call then goals, you know? Since I don't really understand what the word means in this context, I looked up the definition to see if that would help my cause.

2013... it's over!

December 31, 2013
  I cannot believe this year went by as fast as it did. That could be because I kept myself busy. From spring to now, I would say I worked very hard and the hardest I ever had since being a college student.