I can't complain.
30 Days of Being Thankful: Days 27 through 30.
November 30, 2014
Happy Thanksgiving weekend! I tried spending little time on my phone and a lot of time to enjoy cooking, shopping, sewing, talking, and just being with my mom for my break. It was a pretty good break. I can't complain. I had to get away from the work and health news that were bringing me down. I'm sick of not being good enough and having issues I can't control. This is a short post to finish off the 30 days of November. I'm ready for this year to be over.
27. I'm thankful for my mom. She helped me forget about the work stress. We made two t-shirt quilts, cooked, watched movies, did a little bit of shopping, drank lots of coffee, and just relaxed. I don't see her much, but it was enough time to catch up and do most of what we wanted to do.
28. I'm thankful for Colin Hay. He is just simply awesome. I love his lyrics and style of music. Ever since hearing his songs on Scrubs and Garden State, I've listened to more of his work and appreciated every song. Maggie gets me choked up every time. Colin has gotten me through some rough times, and I can't wait to finally see him this coming February! I hope I can get his autograph. Who knows, maybe I'll get out tattooed! (;
29. I'm thankful for television. I've spend over two years "working" in television at school. It was a great experience and a great way to spend my time at school. I appreciate the positive aspects of television and what other inventions that have stemmed from it.
30. I'm thankful for God. Do I need to explain? Even though it's been probably the worst year of my life, I'm still thankful for all the positive events and things that have happened this year. As there weren't many, I know that God must have something better in store and needed me to go through the negative and rough times to get to the positive and better.
30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 26.
November 26, 2014
26. I'm thankful for my struggles and obstacles. It sounds weird for me to say that, but I am. Because of my recent issues, I have learned to appreciate when things do go the way as planned or even better than planned, and I am reminded of the people that I can lean on during these times.
This year has been filled with a lot of difficulties. I haven't gotten a job in my field and today was just turned down an internal position that would have been a great confidence booster and step in the right direction. My weight has fluctuated a lot this year. I've gained but lost some friends. To top it all off, my doctor today confirmed I have PCOS.
It took us three months to figure it out, but it is what it is. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm scared. I didn't do anything to cause this. There are already some physical symptoms present, hypoglycemia effects, and it's really scary. Because of all these issues, especially this recent diagnosis, I've noticed there are people around me that care. It's during times like this I can be happy and feel blessed to have support of family, old friends and even new friends and co workers.
I don't know what future struggles come my way, but I'm thankful for them since I know I have people and God to comfort me. I can learn from each situation for the future, hopefully. I get stronger after each event, even if I don't feel that growing power or the capability to use that strength yet. It will help in the long run, but I sure wish there was something more immediate to help with the pain and worry.
30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 25.
Summer 2011. We were totally immature. We're adults now... |
30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 24.
30 Days of Being Thankful: Days 21, 22 and 23.
Magenta Muskingum in 2012? Photoshop, of course. |
30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 20
Seattle, Washington in late October. |
30 Days of Being Thankful: Days 18 and 19.
I had my doctor's visit today... we are one test away from an official answer. As great as it is to finally know what's wrong, it totally sucks knowing I have something incurable. No, I'm not going to die, but it's still incurable, and I just have to live with it. Generalized Anxiety, skin picking, irregular hip placement to make my legs two different lengths, a learning/reading disability, now this hormone issue... does my body want to add something else to the list?!
18. I'm thankful for the Internet. It's awesome. You can't deny that. Even though electronics and the web may have brought distractions and other problems, it has given us a lot of advantages too. One of the biggest positives from the Internet is being able to connect with others. We can share photos, videos, stories, and have conversations with family and friends. We can also meet new people just because or to get support or insight on a specific topic. When snail mail doesn't do the trick, I love getting emails or pictures from people to get an update on his or her life. Yay for keeping friendships!
19. I'm thankful for ice cream and frozen yogurt. After dinner today, I finished the last of the cookies and creme ice cream to half cheer me up, half celebrate actually being close to an answer to my woman problem. I think I like froyo better than ice cream, but each bring a smile to my face (when I don't eat too much of it) and remind me to take pleasure in the guilty pleasures in life. Froyo can be healthy in small amount, true, but it's not something to have daily. Do you know what I want for my birthday?! A regular cake? No! If I'm getting a cake, it better be an ice cream cake! Haha. I want froyo for my birthday more than a cake, just sayin'.
30 Days of Being Thankful: Days 12 through 17.
I gotta make this a quick one... I have some books to get. After finishing Me Before You by Jojo Moyes, I'm determined to find a book that will make me cry. This one was close, but it didn't make me budge. Without ruining it for you, it's a story about a 27 year old woman who takes a position as a caregiver for a quadriplegic man who's sarcastic and once full of life but now, not so much. She is a really good writer, and I recommend this one to all fellow readers. It's a pretty quick read, so what are you waiting for?!
30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 11.
30 Days of Being Thankful: Days 8, 9 and 10.
I'm not in the best mood today. I don't know what it is. My weekend was great. Even though I ate the way that I know I shouldn't be eating, I learned the importance of family and making good decisions in life. It's good to be safe and protective. When it comes to relationships, don't jump into commitment and take your time. It'll suck to have to keep someone in your life when he or she isn't supposed to be, but has to because of circumstances. I can't technically get pregnant anytime soon, but when I do, I know it will be with the man I'm spending the rest of my life with because of choice, not because we have a child binding us together. Anyways...
30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 7
30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 6
The weather is getting much worse. The polar vortex, or whatever, is coming to Chicago. Yes! Just kidding... about the yes. Being a cold person, I am not ready for this nonsense. Time to pull out the parkas and extra thick socks.
6. I have to say I'm especially thankful to my doctor this past month. I really like my doctor, my specialist that is. I switched regular doctors at my family place; I'm actually also thankful for David, we'll call him, too. He's younger than the other guy I had, and he seems to be more about the patient than about the money. David's super chill and more understanding. When he couldn't find a clear answer to my problems, he referred me to one of his specialist friends down the road to help figure out these issues.
30 Days of Being Thankful: Day 5
30 Days of Being Thankful: Days 1 through 4.
I should have remembered this before November rolled around. Whoops, haha. I saw someone on Facebook do this, and I remember seeing this last year. Since it is November, the month of Thanksgiving, it's more than a better time to share what I'm thankful for and to take the opportunity to thank the people and things in my life that I appreciate. Is there a specific order or this thing? My list doesn't have a specific order, so don't get disappointed if a specific food comes before something that may be more important!
1. I'm thankful for my dad. Recently, he's been a very supportive parent. When it comes to getting me a new car and dealing with my mood swings, I don't know how he does it. I'm thankful for his patience, care, increase in support, and friendship. I honestly don't know what I would do without him sometimes. He's proud of me, I think, and I'm thankful that he wants to see me do well and shows interest in my career goals. He also has been sympathetic since having to deal with my recent health concerns.
2. I'm thankful for a somewhat healthy body. I say somewhat because I am currently dealing with some issues I'm not sure I have 100 percent control over. Other than the issue of not being able to have a child in the future and my mental health (anxiety), I am pretty darn healthy. When I had my blood tests done, my doctor told me I could eat more cholesterol if I wanted to! I'm thankful that I can work out, walk long distances without having breathing issues, work multiple jobs and not have my body break down, sleep at night... things like that. I'm not perfect physically, but I have nothing too major to complain about.
3. I'm thankful for Aldi. Yeah, that sounds kind of silly, but it doesn't to me. I worry about money, too much, that my anxiety sometimes goes through the roof. Aldi keeps me sane when I go food shopping. I know I'm saving on the majority of the items I'm buying. So, thank you, Aldi, for continuing to expand on the products you offer and helping me save money!
4. I'm thankful for the Mount Prospect Park District. I've been working for the district for four years now, and even though I've had my ups and downs with some of the managers, I've always been welcome to come back every season and now throughout the year. I still wasn't finding a full time job, and when I asked if there were any days that needed filled for lessons, I was welcomed back. Now, I work three times a week. It's not a large chuck of money, but it helps with paying gas and little non-necessities in life. I enjoy the kids I work with (most of the time), and I appreciate being able to work a second job by choice that's more than minimum wage and doing something I only dread... sometimes.
Time Lapse attempt: mission complete.
A real vacation this time, plus business.
We didn't win, but this is more than enough! |
Daddy's little girl.
Dad and I at the Cubs games this summer. |
It's been something on my mind recently, and I can say despite not always being the right "father figure" for me when seeing him as a parent, he truly does care for and love me. He puts up with my anxiety, mood swings, horrible golf skills, and many other things. I should appreciate him more for it. He's an interesting guy, to say the least.
Not born in this country, you wouldn't know it because he came here when he was nine and had time to "Americanize" himself. He loves golf, eating, the Denver Broncos, real football (soccer), food, cherry flavored Pepsi, RC and Dr. Pepper, the Chicago Cubs, ice cream and popsicles, and his children. Did I mention he loves food and eating?!
Find myself again.
It's October... really?! Where did this year go?! I'm just finding it hard to believe 2014 is reaching its end so soon. Surprisingly, I have gone on many adventures, and I still have a few more to embark on before the year's out.
One thing I've been thinking about is finding oneself. We spend high school making the friends we want to call lifetime friends, striving to attend the best college to become working professionals, figuring out what hobbies want to be taken more seriously... we then have to do it all over again after obtaining a degree. Whether it's finding a job, continuing to graduate school or traveling the world while being young, the cycle starts again, maybe just for some of us.
My weekend visit to Ohio.
Unavoidable fear.
June 16, 2014
I'm not afraid to admit it: I have flaws. I have anxiety. I have fear.
What I have been thinking about in the past few hours is my fear of losing someone close to me. Not fear of losing a friend because of distance and poor communication skills, but losing someone I couldn't imagine not having in life because of death.
I don't know whether to say it's a blessing or a future struggle, but I haven't lost a family member, friend or mentor at an age when I understood death; I lost a grandfather when I wasn't even born, and I lost the other when I was very young. I've had students I didn't know well die. I've had my teachers' family members pass on. I've haven't had someone close in my life pass away. I've never had to deal with that pain before.
I would say the closest person that I have lost in my life is Coach Donna Newberry. I was fortunate to meet her before she passed, but I wasn't lucky enough to call her my coach for as long as I thought I was going to. She only got to see me at practice three times. Even though softball wasn't something I was able to stay committed to at Muskigum, she is the reason I went to school there, brought God in my life and taught me great life lessons. Even though that part in my life was hard, I couldn't imagine losing someone even closer to me in life at this point in time.
I'm scared now more than ever that when that time comes, I won't be able to handle the emotion that comes with it. I'm not trying to say I wish I had to experience it sooner, but it's a life event that seems to be stalling its arrival. The worst part of this fact is I was unable to help friends around me when he or she had to experience loss. I've never had to, so I didn't know how to put myself in those shoes. It's a daunting feeling.
I'm not really sure the point I'm trying to make here, but it makes me want to see everyone I love this summer once because the joy of my friends' and family's love and support could decrease before I know it and before I can show my love and appreciation back.
'No other love.'
I can't say I'm an expert on love, any kind of love, but I know I've felt multiple types of love immensely these past months since leaving college in December. The affection that's been sent my way has been extraordinary. It's not from a whole lot of people, but it's more than enough for me. I feel that there are different types of affection for people:
The long magenta line.. and a long blog post.
Even though I technically graduated in 2013, I walked with my incoming class, which was an amazing, honorable experience. I was sad to not see some fellow December grads come back, but it was still a great time. It did rain, which makes two raining graduations for me! At least this time, the rain didn't ruin the whole ceremony.
'The Fault in Our Stars.'
Self portrait.
Wow, it's almost March! 2014 has not been kind to me. I need to evaluate myself. I have a lot of goals I want to achieve, and I feel like I've lost myself since leaving college. I miss my friends. I miss the support from my professors. It's strange to not be able to talk to them everyday for advice.
Entering adulthood is hard.
January went by waaaay too fast! It probably felt like it because it was full of emotion, job interviews, car mishaps, and reading.
Job hunt.
Finding jobs are the easy part; the hard part is getting the interview is going through the process of it. I got my first glimpse of going through the rounds these past couple of days.
Voice actor fascination!
Like I said before, I'm trying to keep my Illustrator skills sharp, so I recreated four of Rob Paulsen's characters. He is one my favorite voice over actors because he is such a down to earth, normal famous actor. I'm not saying others aren't, but Rob just seems like someone who definitely didn't let show business get to him.
Created by myself using Adobe Illustrator. Just my interp.! |
Just a little design fun.
Donatello graphic by me. My interpretation of the awesome turtle! |
Res·o·lu·tion
So, I was thinking about the "resolutions" that I have for the new year, and I just kept thinking about the word "resolution". I just really don't like that word. It makes more sense to call then goals, you know? Since I don't really understand what the word means in this context, I looked up the definition to see if that would help my cause.
2013... it's over!
I cannot believe this year went by as fast as it did. That could be because I kept myself busy. From spring to now, I would say I worked very hard and the hardest I ever had since being a college student.