Lucky number five.

October 9, 2017.

Club Cafe, Pittsburgh, October 5.
I always take a selfie in front of the stage.

  I got to see Fastball five times this year. FIVE times. What can I say? I fell in love really effin' hard and fast. The band is the soundtrack of my year, and I love sharing this with friends, family, and anyone who is willing to take it all in with me. Now I'm completely crashing from this rush of passion, excitement, thrill, and pure bliss. There are no remaining tour dates, and I'm left to reminisce and reflect on the intimate three shows I attended the second half of the year, two shows within the past four days.

  The last show is a close tie to being the best show this year. I convinced my dad to go out on a Sunday night with me because I try quite hard to impress him, and I knew that he'd get more than he expected with Fastball's live performance. I got him hooked on Colin, and now he's getting reeled in with Fastball. He knew the hits before me, obviously, but he had never seen the band live. I was on a mission to get him to the show and to experience the absolute brilliance that is the "rock & roll pop harmonic thrill seekers" I'm deeply passionate about.

Finding me.

September 19, 2017.

Foreign melodies, clanking chimes, talking, my voice, all of it.
I need any one way, any one thing, to drown it out.
Turning away, to turn to you. 

  Loving my selfie is getting easier, but by no means is it something I'm able to do every day. From the facial scars to the various worries of how my face-size appears - plus the fact I still appear college-aged - it's sometimes hard to not think about the ridicule and comments others may make and, even more, my own perceptions. It impacts self-worth when it shouldn't.

"I'm just fine here, finding me." -VH. I'm also just fine here, wearing one of my favorite shirts.

  I felt confident and comfortable on Sunday while I was relaxing before my radio show; I was wearing one of my favorite shirts and wanted to put effort into my hair and makeup despite the fact I'd be sitting in the studio alone for the majority of the night. After embracing the warmth from the sun and snapping a few photos, I smiled as I reviewed the shots. Damn, I don't look too bad. I look genuinely happy and not that weird-looking. Why can't I look like this every day?

  Music is an integral part of my self-discovery and self-acceptance this year, especially trying to find myself and find out why my life goals have kept me in Ohio for two years. Music actually has always played a role in my identity, just unconsciously and I'm now looking back and discovering the ways in which it did all those years ago

  I've met a lot of wicked-awesome individuals, in real life and online, who (I hope) label me as an acquaintance, at the least; they have taken the time to discuss nearly anything and everything about the musicians we mutually enjoy. They should know I'm thankful and appreciative of their time and friendship. TY, everyone.

  Nothing ground-breaking here; I wanted to be vulnerable. That's all.

Goodbye summer, hello tears.

August 17, 2017

  Despite a long scroll of new music I needed to try out, I played my Spotify current go-to tunes playlist during my seven-hour drive. I started to tap to the rhythm of "All I Was Looking For Was You" by Fastball (side note: this song has the best song lyric ever written, Midnight on heartbreak avenue, all twisted up on bitches brew). Out of nowhere, tears and heartache engulfed me. Singing along is a must while driving, but I just couldn't get the words out; it felt as if I was an asthmatic attempting to run a 6-minute mile. This part of the song especially got me ugly-crying:

Running away from everything that looks like me. I heard a voice. I saw your face, it set me free.

 For some reason, I thought it was a good idea to continue with Fastball's "Dark Street" in an attempt to get everything that I was feeling out of my system. It sure did help the flow of tears.

Come on down and never leave my sky again. Shine your love light, love light, love light...

  I then finished the cry-fest with Colin Hay's "The Best In Me," and my previous post sheds light on the emotional performance of this song at the most recent concert. I approached the toll-booth attendant with my sunglasses on even though I could care less about whether or not he sees my worn face. As I drove away and turned the up the volume, the crying came back. Good grief!

A magical night of tunes with Colin Hay.

August 13, 2017.

  How does Colin have the ability to take my breath away but also help give me the will-power and strength to breathe?

  There are truly no words to emphasize or describe how remarkable and unreal this show felt. With my family sitting in the chairs on the side, I took this one opportunity to stand at the stage; from what I've noticed with Colin's venues, this is rare. Never have I been able to watch a performance this close to Colin. We were so close, we could hear his voice as he stepped away from the mic to finish Maggie.

  Colin has a large collection of songs, so I expected not to hear many of my favorites because they're usually not the typical show-pleasers. Even so, I held on to one of the newer melodies.

  While my new friend and I were taking a photo with Colin in the background as he tuned his guitar for the next song, I suddenly heard him strumming the first notes of The Best In Me. I knew -- instantly -- it was the song.

Shadows in the night, danger is all I know, so difficult to let go. If I close my eyes and breathe, gets easier to believe, and you bring out the best in me. 

Sheila caught me on
the brink of ugly crying. 

  I lost my ability to breathe, gasping in between each line. I can't remember the last time I was overcome with such a connection when a song was playing a mere few feet away from me. As he played the song, I felt as if he knew I wanted to hear it... I can't explain it. There was a force between the two of us; no one else was in this circular current. This was the first time I shared this what felt like one-on-one energy with Colin.

In your reflection I can see that you bring out the best in me.

  After he finished the song, all I can recall is looking at my friends, completely awe-struck of how truly magical those four minutes were for me. I exclaimed how I didn't think he'd play my favorite from Fierce Mercy, attempting to keep composure. I was fighting for air.

  All the positive energy, joy, love, were too much for me to handle. It felt unreal.

  Which song followed? I can't recall at this point; I attempted to sing along but was still near-hyperventilating due to the over-excitement. I hope every person gets to make a connection just as I did with a musician at least once in her or her lifetime.

Yeah, you help set me free, and you bring out the best in me.

It's never too early to say thank you.

July 22, 2017.

  The loss of Chester Bennington was another shock and sad news story to read Thursday morning. My fandom for Linkin Park was more during my preteen years, during the time I first started to struggle with balancing life, friendships, and mental health (which I didn't quite realize at the time). His death flooded my mind with two specific thoughts: the reasons why I listened to Linkin Park and how both sad and scary it is that people don't have the ability to reach out for help or have the support system to try to seek the right resources for them. I still have yet to lose a close family member or friend, so some of this worry was also triggered. I attempted to make it clear to my Facebook friends that I am always available as a listener for those who need it and to remind them that mental health is very important.

Chester Bennington's most recent Twitter profile photo.

  After having a few personal and professional struggles this week, reliving the negative junior high years was definitely not needed. Even so, I still felt the need to scroll through my Facebook feed to read how my "friends" were responding to Chester's death. One post, in summary, stated that we shouldn't wait until the person has passed to share our admiration and love or to say thank you. This reminded me of part of my life goal, to meet the well-known musicians, filmmakers, authors, and actors who have been positive influences in my life. I've been lucky enough to do this many times this year with musicians. And, I got to do it again last night.

New music, new obsession: Fastball.

June 29, 2017.

  I said this at some point this year: this is the year of music. Last year was the year of spending money in order to conquer that fear. Seeing my original favorites Colin (happy birthday!) and Vertical Horizon - and now some recent newly-found bands - multiple times in the same year is a reality. I've seen Colin twice (back-to-back shows) so far and have two more shows lined up.

... you could show me a whole new world. We could stay up all night 'cause you never know what could happen.

Maryland and Virginia. Can you spot me in the top left photo?

  As crazy as it may seem, I saw Vertical Horizon on tour with Fastball and Everclear twice and with Blues Traveler once, all within eight days, in three different states. Though I recommend attending multiple shows in a single year, be ready for the withdraw and a yearning to attend more; I could easily take a month off and follow a band throughout the country. Not only is it a great way to meet fans and make new friends, the sceneries are breathtaking. The United States is beautiful. Making the last-minute decision to go to Maryland and Virginia on my own was the most spontaneous, adventurous thing I have ever done. It was worth the lack of sleep and 13 or so hours of driving.

What being a fan is really about.

June 12, 2017

  It's not about getting your photo taken with or of your favorite artist or band to impress others or to have something to boast. It's about living in the moment and creating a connection during the performance. Capturing a single or few photos is sufficient enough to recall one of many thrilling days you'll experience while you're here. You don't have to share the experience verbally or show with a photo to prove it happened. Take a single photo and then live in the precious time you're given.

  It's not about meeting the artist or band to get that photo or autograph. It's about having the chance to connect, relate stories, and ultimately binding and strengthening the circle with an unbreakable bow. It's about giving thanks for the sacrifices it takes to create music and to tour: being vulnerable to compose the music, forcing oneself to dark and light places of the soul in order to articulate haunting lyrics or instrumental notes, and being absent during monumental moments in family members' lives.

  It's not about proving you can afford the VIP treatment. It's about going the extra mile to invest in the artist's or band's craft; what you gain from it is invaluable and truly can't be bought. The positive impact music provides isn't a single, tightly-pressed package you find on a store shelf. If you have the means to do so, then great! If you don't, that's okay too; appreciation is often found in the simple, little things, such as writing thank-you letters or dropping off the artist's or band's favorite food!

  It's not about indulging in only the one-on-one time you get. It's about completing full circles as a group and between you and the other fans. Watching another fan's smile - sometimes even tears of joy - during a meet and greet is a beautiful moment to witness. The joy others experience can easily make you joyful, too. Don't be afraid to start conversations with other fans; everyone is already part of an exclusive, special group! Don't lose sight of your family or friends being in this with you, too. If you're blessed with that opportunity, seize it.

  It's not about proving you're the biggest fan by parading the plethora of memorabilia you own, memorizing all the lyrics of every song and never missing a beat, or having a tattoo dedicated to the artist or band. It's about expressing yourself in the ways that feel most right, doing what makes you feel good and things that respect the music and people associated with it, following your heart, and deciding the right time - if at all - to visibly show the fandom to others. Who's to say there are right or wrong ways to show you're a fan? There isn't one definition of how that looks.

  Never be ashamed to admit you're a fan - "just a fan" or "a confidently committed and passionate fan" - of an artist or a band. Heck, this holds true for sports fans, movie fans... fans of anything! Truth is, you're never the only one. No matter your level of fandom, the circle isn't complete without you.

The best Vertical Horizon concert experience to date.

June 4, 2017

  It's officially summer concert season! Looks like this fan-girl is going to splurge not just this summer, but this whole year. Ahh!

HOME Bar, June 2, 2017.

  Like the crazy woman I've been more and more since the start of 2017, I decided to go to two Vertical Horizon shows -- including one VIP package -- within three days. Was it worth it? Definitely!

I'm still going to love Alan and 'love today.'

May 7, 2017

  The other morning at the gym, I had a random thought to check Alan's IMDb page to see what films or appearances were in the works. A brief moment later, I had to stop what I was doing. Oh yeah. Holy shit, I said to myself with a trembling grin, now that's a depressing, disappointing thought.

Hey, don't ignore mercy or you'll be 'the last to know.'

March 17, 2017

  I've been listening to Fierce Mercy every day since the first show I attended last week. I didn't listen to the album more than twice prior because I wanted to get familiar with the songs through hearing them live first; there's something about hearing an unfamiliar track in this setting. Not only is live music authentic, but you naturally allow yourself to block out your surrounds and be one with the artist and tune. Example: when I saw Colin in 2015 showcasing his album, Next Year People, "Waiting in the Rain" was an out-of-body experience because I still didn't know the song in its entirety and I let it take over me in that moment. It's to-date in my top 5 best Colin songs,

Just some highlights of my evenings with Colin Hay.

March 11, 2017

 There is A LOT I'd like to say about my trip; I've had a lot on my mind about the experience and how I want to continue reaching my life's purpose. Maybe I've discovered it on this trip? I can't say for sure, but I know that I really enjoy sharing my passions with others, meeting people who share the same passion, witnessing pure joy, and reading and hearing stories about anything and everything, through any medium.

'Waiting For My Real Life' film speaks volumes. I LOVED it.

February 2, 2017.

  Groundhog Day! Did the little critter see his/her shadow? I don't care; I live in the Midwest where the weather will fluctuate despite what the groundhog "says."

  I've spent some time mourning the loss of my Colin Hay wine bottle that I purchased at the first show my dad and I attended two years ago this month. Enough of that, though, because I can always order another when I see him again. And, if I read the website correctly, I can easily order a custom label and request the winery to use the same label that was used two years ago. It might be a stretch and cost extra money, but it's worth a shot. Also, I'm going to do something creative with the remains. I'd love ideas if anyone has a few, or just one!

I know what kind of book I want to write.

September 19, 2016

  After a life-altering, full circle experience, (see previous post) I'm eager and looking forward to more. I've more recently than ever - in the past year or so - have come to appreciate the entertainment industry as a healthy, needed distraction in one's life as a way to handle the stresses, disappointments and struggles in life in a positive manner. On the flip-side, the industry is used to express happiness in situations, too!

  Thanks to Vertical Horizon, I had this epiphany of what it means to have this full circle accomplishment. As consumers of music, movies, television shows, books, and art, we have indirect, intimate connections with the musicians, actors, actresses, and artists who put so much passion and effort into the finished projects. There are rare situations where we can, in person, give our thanks and appreciation for how their work improved our lives. Once we get to meet and share each other's stories in person, we have reached the full circle of the entertainment world's purpose.

  Well, that's how I see it, anyway. It works for me, so I'll take what I can get.

Meeting Vertical Horizon: My biggest, ultimate fan-girl experience.

September 17, 2016

  When in the presence of any famous, well-known person, I'm a little geeked out and giddy; I'm probably not the only one. But, when I'm 100% sure I'm about to be up close and personal, meeting a famous person or band members, my level of giddiness reaches a whole new level, and I'm just plain excited and happy. If you know me, when I'm excited, I exhibit every emotion that goes beyond happy. The meet and greet with Vertical Horizon was - and will possibly be - the most ecstatic I have ever been meeting a famous person/group.

  Even though the story of how my friend Dave and I got the tickets for it was pretty lucky and fortunate in itself, the actual opportunity and experience was beyond thrilling and surreal for me. Thanks to Gabe, a part of VH's management team, we filled the two no-shows and were able to get in without any problems. OHMYGOSH. I literally wanted to drop to my knees and praise the group he and the band were walking on!

'You're listening to WMCO!'

November 19, 2015

  I was on WMCO 90.7 last Sunday. Say what? Take a listen!

Summer is going by too fast!

July 25th, 2015

  What?! It's almost August?! Well then. I feel like I let summer just pass me by. I've been busy with two jobs (only twice a week), golf, making workout plans for my aqua class, perfecting my breakfast muffins, and trying to be happy and fix myself. My bestie and I haven't been able to make time for yoga, which is upsetting, but she has summer school. She is working her butt off in these two classes to get ready for graduate school, and I am so proud of her! Her career goal of being a Pharmacist is a longer road than some careers, and she is doing what she has to, even if that means spending four days a week in the summer at classes then working on the weekends. I'm so proud of her!

My night with Colin Hay.

February 22nd, 2015

  I'm up early on a Sunday, as usual! Even though my Saturday was quite uneventful, my weekend feels to be very exciting and life changing.

30 Days of Being Thankful: Days 27 through 30.

November 30, 2014

  Happy Thanksgiving weekend! I tried spending little time on my phone and a lot of time to enjoy cooking, shopping, sewing, talking, and just being with my mom for my break. It was a pretty good break. I can't complain. I had to get away from the work and health news that were bringing me down. I'm sick of not being good enough and having issues I can't control. This is a short post to finish off the 30 days of November. I'm ready for this year to be over.

  27. I'm thankful for my mom. She helped me forget about the work stress. We made two t-shirt quilts, cooked, watched movies, did a little bit of shopping, drank lots of coffee, and just relaxed. I don't see her much, but it was enough time to catch up and do most of what we wanted to do.

  28. I'm thankful for Colin Hay. He is just simply awesome. I love his lyrics and style of music. Ever since hearing his songs on Scrubs and Garden State, I've listened to more of his work and appreciated every song. Maggie gets me choked up every time. Colin has gotten me through some rough times, and I can't wait to finally see him this coming February! I hope I can get his autograph. Who knows, maybe I'll get out tattooed! (;

  29. I'm thankful for television. I've spend over two years "working" in television at school. It was a great experience and a great way to spend my time at school. I appreciate the positive aspects of television and what other inventions that have stemmed from it.

  30. I'm thankful for God. Do I need to explain? Even though it's been probably the worst year of my life, I'm still thankful for all the positive events and things that have happened this year. As there weren't many, I know that God must have something better in store and needed me to go through the negative and rough times to get to the positive and better.

"You gotta hear this one song. It'll change your life, I swear."

December 20, 2013

  Sorry, this isn't a song from Garden State, but the quote from the movie really fits for this song, I swear.

Matching that song to a person.

  December 19, 2013

  Have you ever had that one song that you thought was just so inspirational and motivational but never could pinpoint someone in your personal life that truly spoke those words to you? I used to have a song like that. You're in for a long one, ladies and gents.