Find myself again.

October 9, 2014
  It's October... really?! Where did this year go?! I'm just finding it hard to believe 2014 is reaching its end so soon. Surprisingly, I have gone on many adventures, and I still have a few more to embark on before the year's out.
  One thing I've been thinking about is finding oneself. We spend high school making the friends we want to call lifetime friends, striving to attend the best college to become working professionals, figuring out what hobbies want to be taken more seriously... we then have to do it all over again after obtaining a degree. Whether it's finding a job, continuing to graduate school or traveling the world while being young, the cycle starts again, maybe just for some of us.

  I thought I was so close to filling the gaps and finding who I truly am, but as soon as I didn't reach my goals after graduation, I did less of what I enjoyed doing, my career goals were blurred, I was thinking about earning another degree, and I was unhappy. The usual interests that kept me busy and made me happy weren't doing it anymore, or I haven't been motivated to do them. I was starting a new chapter in my life, and the cycle of shaping myself started all over again.
  Does this end? I just can't get this new roundabout going, and I don't know how fast it's going to move. So many graduates out there are starting careers that make working feel less like a job, and I'm sitting here, not knowing what I actually want to do to fulfill my time with. (I'm employed working a full time and part time job, so I'm not some lazy bum!)
  I think that's why it's a cycle and not a start-to-end project. There are going to be many chapters and parts to my book (life), and it's going to feel like starting over multiple times. New situations and people arise in my life, and some may change me, others will just be another event or person to add to the series of events and people. That's the only way to think about it, I guess.
  I need to find myself again, and I can't try to make it happen. It's possibly supposed to just happen as I  make decisions, experience more and new things, make new friends while losing others (sadly), and learn more about life.
  I started to sit down and write what I wanted in the next five years career wise as well as just generally in life. Simplicity and happiness seemed to be the general objectives. I claim to be a simple person despite the complex issues I have mentally, emotionally and physically. How to get there? That's the question. Take a breath, make smart decisions and just let it happen.