I'm sometimes fun at 24, but man was a blast my freshman year of college! Well, comparing to now that statement is true. This weekend I was sorta a fun person, though.
What a weekend it was! I got to go to COSI for the first time. That makes me a real Ohio resident, right? My Big and I went Saturday early in the morning. There were a lot of kids, and the museum was having a special day of safety for visitors to learn about distracted driving, how to perform CPR, recognizing signs of a gas leak... all that good stuff. We went to almost each room that is a part of the general admission. I even got to ride a unicycle that hovered over the main floor! haha. Not really, but it kind of felt like the real thing.
The space area of COSI is really interesting, too. We attended one of the "extra" events offered, a live view of space and learned about a few planets, constellations, ideas of other life forms... there was probably more, but I had a head ache from the planetarium set up. It was worth the pain, but I would have been happy just flying through the stars and viewing the planets. There was also an exhibit focused on the human body, and visitors could watch videos on surgeries. I don't know why, but I really wanted to see how doctors performed circumcision... that lasted a minute. Poor boys! Big and I finished our day together with some Chipotle, the best way to end a trip to Columbus.
That same night, I spent time with a friend, Martz, who is working on campus for the summer. We finally watched The Fault in Our Stars; we made a commitment to not watch the movie until we could watch it together. It only took three years, but we managed! We also browsed my external hard drive video files... that's where the fun Amanda comes alive.
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| Freshman and sophomore years. |
Watching myself in those videos, I was thinking, "What happened to that girl? Why don't I sing karaoke, drink, be that goofy girl these days? Why haven't I laughed like that since?" I'm not able to pinpoint an exact moment, but I'm almost certain that anxiety was rising into the fall of junior year, and there aren't any videos or an abundance of photos from that time to today. Of the photos I do have documenting the end of college, most of them are with people, posed and for a specific event.
I've changed.
Was it for the better? I don't know. In some aspects, yes, I am a must better individual now. I'm a much more introverted person than I have even been, and I don't go out or have the want to do so anymore. I read a lot more than I ever have. That is a definite positive change. Watching these videos just made me think that I could be having a lot more fun in this life. It's not going to do any good to blame anyone, an event or my anxiety, but it's hard not to find something to blame.
Maybe I need to remind myself that different things are now considered fun and there are a hell of a lot of ways to have fun! Because I don't laugh like a "dying seal" doesn't mean I'm not enjoying the time I'm spending, both alone and with others, right? Could it be better? Yeah, you could say that.
By Saturday afternoon, I thought I was having a grand, fun time. By after 10 p.m. that same day, I was questioning what counts as fun. It doesn't matter what others may view as an enjoyable, laugh-worthy time. If I'm in the moment, taking everything in, being as positive as I can, there shouldn't be any doubts whether it's "fun enough." I can't compare now to freshman year. I have bills to pay. I have an apartment to keep clean. I'm building a career and trying to make a positive impact where ever I go. I don't have time to analyze everything, especially whether if the fun I feel I'm having is worthy of that label.
That goes for all of y'alls, too. :)
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