"Don't tease me about my hobbies...

May 2, 2017

... I don't tease you about being an asshole." - Mark, in the movie Garden State.

A poem, titled: Don't Tease Me About My Hobbies

Don't tease me about my hobbies.
It's hard enough as it is,
  to let you into my life
  to let you bear witness to my insecurities
  to let you see how the anxious-ghosts control me.

Don't tease me about my hobbies.
These hobbies are not true to definition,
  not quite fun and games
  not quite leisure-like activities
  not quite my choice, if were able to have one.

Don't tease me about my hobbies.
My struggles are not for your entertainment,
  the decision on how monthly income is spent
  the decision to make use of my already low social energy
  the decision of my food intake beyond its obsessive-compulsive routine.

Don't tease me about my hobbies.
The past haunts me to follow these pursuits,
  my fear of not having money to spend
  my fear food inflict sickness I attempt to prevent
  my fear I'm disappointing you all professionally and personally.

Don't tease me about my hobbies.
I'm the only who has to embrace the routine,
  getting through the day with an imposter's smile
  getting through all my obligations finding an unrushed breath
  getting through the what-ifs of tomorrow every fucking day.

Tease me about my hobbies.
Adding another anxiety isn't a concern at this point,
  like another dent to a bashed-up car
  like another ghost in line with a mafia of them trailing my thoughts
  like another match in the flame keeping a boil to my panic-attack cauldron.

Tease me about my hobbies.
I have to live through them
  no
  matter
  what.