Come spring, come baseball and baseball movies!

May 27, 2017

  I've changed the URL to my blog to "mudanemandaa", as I did with the rest of my social media. Being a Muskie will never change. Despite my tendencies to follow routines and order as much as possible, change is sometimes wanted, needed and totally okay. In honor of this post being baseball-centric, here are some softball-related photos of yours truly back in the day:

 

  Yeah, you can clearly tell I loved the sport.. ha. I don't have any action photos with me; let's hope the old man keeps those somewhere safe back in Illinois.

I'm still going to love Alan and 'love today.'

May 7, 2017

  The other morning at the gym, I had a random thought to check Alan's IMDb page to see what films or appearances were in the works. A brief moment later, I had to stop what I was doing. Oh yeah. Holy shit, I said to myself with a trembling grin, now that's a depressing, disappointing thought.

"Don't tease me about my hobbies...

May 2, 2017

... I don't tease you about being an asshole." - Mark, in the movie Garden State.

A poem, titled: Don't Tease Me About My Hobbies

Don't tease me about my hobbies.
It's hard enough as it is,
  to let you into my life
  to let you bear witness to my insecurities
  to let you see how the anxious-ghosts control me.

Don't tease me about my hobbies.
These hobbies are not true to definition,
  not quite fun and games
  not quite leisure-like activities
  not quite my choice, if were able to have one.

Don't tease me about my hobbies.
My struggles are not for your entertainment,
  the decision on how monthly income is spent
  the decision to make use of my already low social energy
  the decision of my food intake beyond its obsessive-compulsive routine.

Don't tease me about my hobbies.
The past haunts me to follow these pursuits,
  my fear of not having money to spend
  my fear food inflict sickness I attempt to prevent
  my fear I'm disappointing you all professionally and personally.

Don't tease me about my hobbies.
I'm the only who has to embrace the routine,
  getting through the day with an imposter's smile
  getting through all my obligations finding an unrushed breath
  getting through the what-ifs of tomorrow every fucking day.

Tease me about my hobbies.
Adding another anxiety isn't a concern at this point,
  like another dent to a bashed-up car
  like another ghost in line with a mafia of them trailing my thoughts
  like another match in the flame keeping a boil to my panic-attack cauldron.

Tease me about my hobbies.
I have to live through them
  no
  matter
  what.