To my (past) love

October 28, 2017

To my (past) love:
it’s been long, but that isn’t bad because
long isn’t truly long,
like we make everything out to be.
Everything unavoidably finishes.
Long like the rivers
throughout the world that end,
Long like the hair
that runs down my mother’s back.
Oh, my love. Long is never too long,
because long will eventually
bring an end,
a demise we will try to push aside
for forever,
so that long will never meet our paths.
But,
it will. And it has.

'One year without you.'

October 16, 2017

   A very sophomoric way to release the thoughts I've been having this week...

You died just over a year ago
and I don't feel overwhelming sorrow
Your presence continues to remain
each time I enter your old domain

We rarely had to cross paths
but when we did, we'd share laughs
Your warmth endlessly radiated to everyone 
can you tell me where you have gone?

I think about my death and when I'll leave
if others will have a similar reaction or even grieve
My presence underbearing, just mundane
nothing in comparison, so there'll be no pain

Even to me, someone you barely knew
you made a difference and I grew
I won't be that person, though I try
I'll die with that, being a minor passerby


'Selfish sorry.'

October, 11, 2017


There's nothing for me to say.
I don't know how to make things better
Relying on time to drive the memory of me away.

We can't go on this trip together.
The effort is dragging me behind
How could I do this for-fucking-ever?

I become a person I don't recognize.
Voices make me angry
Forcing me to constantly apologize.

It's well past-due to catch your flight.
The alarm won't stop buzzing
Reminding you you're alive and alright.

This has been taken way too far.
Get on that plane at last
To find yourself another lonely star.

The whys still linger in my mind.
I can't control how I feel
The thoughts push and repeatedly grind.

Message once landed and taking your drag.
Yeah, I still have a heart
But one that journeys through life stag.

Don't think I'm not disappointed too.
I'm longing you were who I thought
So I’d be not as alone as you.




Lucky number five.

October 9, 2017.

Club Cafe, Pittsburgh, October 5.
I always take a selfie in front of the stage.
  I got to see Fastball five times this year. FIVE times. What can I say? I fell in love really effin' hard and fast. The band is the soundtrack of my year, and I love sharing this with friends, family, and anyone who is willing to take it all in with me. Now I'm completely crashing from this rush of passion, excitement, thrill, and pure bliss. There are no remaining tour dates, and I'm left to reminisce and reflect on the intimate three shows I attended the second half of the year, two shows within the past four days.

  The last show is a close tie to being the best show this year. I convinced my dad to go out on a Sunday night with me because I try quite hard to impress him, and I knew that he'd get more than he expected with Fastball's live performance. I got him hooked on Colin, and now he's getting reeled in with Fastball. He knew the hits before me, obviously, but he had never seen the band live. I was on a mission to get him to the show and to experience the absolute brilliance that is the "rock & roll pop harmonic thrill seekers" I'm deeply passionate about.