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| Unedited. This was sometime after 7pm. |
I've been working out nearly every day. Yes, pretty much. Check out my Run Keeper or Fitbit account. I overall enjoy it. Recently, it's been hard to show results and that I'm proud of what I do at work. Sure, I have a certificate that shows I'm a team lead, but that doesn't show the actual work I produce and should be proud of. When I work out and reach new limits, I have evidence. I can also see it. My back is looking very tone. Nothing else is really, but hey, that's something! I feel proud the strength I've been building and have been able to show it off, especially in yoga. I'm getting stronger. I can do poses better and new poses, too.
I've also lost some weight. I've been the lowest I've been in a long time, maybe in over a year or so. I know the number on the scale isn't the most important thing, but it does reflect something. I gained weight back in September until December to help with my now known PCOS, which obviously wouldn't have helped anything and was a waste of time. I do a lot of cardio and free weights. My arms are starting to look better, but other than that, meh.
I was at the local retail store the other day, and a high school friend was working there. I don't remember the last time we saw each other. She said something that bothered me. She said something along the lines of, "You are so skinny! You are beautiful!" I know what she meant, but it helped affirm the idea that there are people out there who see beauty in the size of the female (not her!). I don't understand that my size and the fact I lost weight would help support I'm beautiful (which I am not saying that I am). Since I lost weight from high school, I'm beautiful now? That's kind of how I initially took it. I was never this weight in high school, NEVER. I'm a good 20 pounds lighter than those teenage years.
It's interesting to think about. I wasn't trying to get "skinny" to try to be considered beautiful by others. I don't believe I have the features and would be considered a sight for sore eyes. I'm not pretty, but I'm also not ugly either. I can't comprehend why our society thinks that way. If you're skinny, you're beautiful?
No matter what size I am, I know that wouldn't determine what ever beauty I may or may not have. I'm not watching my weight, working out, being active to achieve higher sense of beauty or attractiveness. I hope others don't see it that way. I also hope others don't think I'm doing this as a "one up" compared to his or her healthy lifestyle and fitness. Shit, have you seen my best friend I do yoga with?! This girl is able to do poses I will probably never even attempt. She is one strong cookie.
I want others to look at me and think that I take care of myself and put effort into something that is positive. Since I can't show I'm proud of my work, I'll show I'm proud of the effort I've been putting into making myself healthy and fit. There isn't much else I can say about that. It was just unsettling to hear that I was beautiful because of my weight. I don't think I am a "skinny girl", but that's a whole other issue.