Into my life.

February 14, 2015

  Last night, my best friend and I did a partner's yoga class that was offered in honor of Valentine's Day. We were more excited for the wine and desserts offered afterwards, of course. I have been having a bad week, and I just wasn't looking forward to it like I should have been. I was mad at myself that I wasn't more anxious and ready for a new form of yoga.

 My dad and I had a disagreement, and he's the kind of guy that raises his voice and doesn't mean to. I HATE that. He knows that, too. Does he try to change for me? Not that I can tell. Of course this incident happens on a Monday and throws my whole week off. Of all the weeks, I was just hoping this one would be even toned and nice for me. I hate Valentine's Day. My dad is the only man in my life I think loves me, so I was heart broken he would verbally hurt me when we have an awesome weekend planned next week.

Tree was our favorite of the night.
Well, at least mine!

  I am VERY glad my mood was changed once I got to class yesterday. Yoga was the best thing for me this week. Tuesday's class was rough since I couldn't focus on my intention. Either way, I am appreciative for my instructor and the practice itself. Partners yoga was new, refreshing and worth it. Emily and I are so in sync. We did an awesome job trusting each other and being able to do the poses without much help. Of course I got confused a few times. I never said I was good at yoga; I just love going to class and being on the mat and nowhere else for an hour and fifteen minutes.

  I've been working out nearly everyday since the end of December. Losing weight and building muscle had definitely helped me with my practice. I am able to do poses with better posture and correctly, and I also have been getting closer to getting into poses I was having trouble with, like crow. It's a small thing, but it's a big feat for me. I am starting to find a new passion in life that promotes a healthy mental, physical, and emotional lifestyle for me.

  I still can't really figure out what triggered me to keep up with working out daily. I of course wanted to feel better and look good for hopefully a new man to come into my life. I think trying to look "skinny" to find a guy is a bad reason to drag myself to the gym on those mornings I feel I need more sleep, but I don't think I'm continuing with this lifestyle for that reason. My motives have changed.. I think. I am seeing and feeling results, and I need some positive actions in my life. With work, I haven't been feeling "proud" if it since I really don't have any ownership. There's nothing to show my family and friends that I am succeeding at my job. When I work out and perfect my yoga poses, I have something to show for it. I have achievement I can be proud of and continue to work on.

  I'm not looking for others to show acceptance and give compliments. It's just that I like that I am making goals for myself and can take ownership for it. No one else is losing my weight or adding my muscle. There are people that I sometimes work out with or I attend yoga with and my instructor that have been alongside me for the ride, but in the end, my health is all up to me. I think I'm writing away just to say that I am finding passion in life and am finding ways to be proud of myself. I'm not "making bank" with a career I set out to have, but I am working on myself and reaching other goals. That should be a good enough reason to allow myself to walk with my head held high and a smile on my face, right?