Goodbye summer, hello tears.

August 17, 2017

  Despite a long scroll of new music I needed to try out, I played my Spotify current go-to tunes playlist during my seven-hour drive. I started to tap to the rhythm of "All I Was Looking For Was You" by Fastball (side note: this song has the best song lyric ever written, Midnight on heartbreak avenue, all twisted up on bitches brew). Out of nowhere, tears and heartache engulfed me. Singing along is a must while driving, but I just couldn't get the words out; it felt as if I was an asthmatic attempting to run a 6-minute mile. This part of the song especially got me ugly-crying:

Running away from everything that looks like me. I heard a voice. I saw your face, it set me free.

 For some reason, I thought it was a good idea to continue with Fastball's "Dark Street" in an attempt to get everything that I was feeling out of my system. It sure did help the flow of tears.

Come on down and never leave my sky again. Shine your love light, love light, love light...

  I then finished the cry-fest with Colin Hay's "The Best In Me," and my previous post sheds light on the emotional performance of this song at the most recent concert. I approached the toll-booth attendant with my sunglasses on even though I could care less about whether or not he sees my worn face. As I drove away and turned the up the volume, the crying came back. Good grief!

A magical night of tunes with Colin Hay.

August 13, 2017.

  How does Colin have the ability to take my breath away but also help give me the will-power and strength to breathe?

  There are truly no words to emphasize or describe how remarkable and unreal this show felt. With my family sitting in the chairs on the side, I took this one opportunity to stand at the stage; from what I've noticed with Colin's venues, this is rare. Never have I been able to watch a performance this close to Colin. We were so close, we could hear his voice as he stepped away from the mic to finish Maggie.

  Colin has a large collection of songs, so I expected not to hear many of my favorites because they're usually not the typical show-pleasers. Even so, I held on to one of the newer melodies.

  While my new friend and I were taking a photo with Colin in the background as he tuned his guitar for the next song, I suddenly heard him strumming the first notes of The Best In Me. I knew -- instantly -- it was the song.

Shadows in the night, danger is all I know, so difficult to let go. If I close my eyes and breathe, gets easier to believe, and you bring out the best in me. 

Sheila caught me on
the brink of ugly crying. 

  I lost my ability to breathe, gasping in between each line. I can't remember the last time I was overcome with such a connection when a song was playing a mere few feet away from me. As he played the song, I felt as if he knew I wanted to hear it... I can't explain it. There was a force between the two of us; no one else was in this circular current. This was the first time I shared this what felt like one-on-one energy with Colin.

In your reflection I can see that you bring out the best in me.

  After he finished the song, all I can recall is looking at my friends, completely awe-struck of how truly magical those four minutes were for me. I exclaimed how I didn't think he'd play my favorite from Fierce Mercy, attempting to keep composure. I was fighting for air.

  All the positive energy, joy, love, were too much for me to handle. It felt unreal.

  Which song followed? I can't recall at this point; I attempted to sing along but was still near-hyperventilating due to the over-excitement. I hope every person gets to make a connection just as I did with a musician at least once in her or her lifetime.

Yeah, you help set me free, and you bring out the best in me.

It's never too early to say thank you.

July 22, 2017.

  The loss of Chester Bennington was another shock and sad news story to read Thursday morning. My fandom for Linkin Park was more during my preteen years, during the time I first started to struggle with balancing life, friendships, and mental health (which I didn't quite realize at the time). His death flooded my mind with two specific thoughts: the reasons why I listened to Linkin Park and how both sad and scary it is that people don't have the ability to reach out for help or have the support system to try to seek the right resources for them. I still have yet to lose a close family member or friend, so some of this worry was also triggered. I attempted to make it clear to my Facebook friends that I am always available as a listener for those who need it and to remind them that mental health is very important.

Chester Bennington's most recent Twitter profile photo.

  After having a few personal and professional struggles this week, reliving the negative junior high years was definitely not needed. Even so, I still felt the need to scroll through my Facebook feed to read how my "friends" were responding to Chester's death. One post, in summary, stated that we shouldn't wait until the person has passed to share our admiration and love or to say thank you. This reminded me of part of my life goal, to meet the well-known musicians, filmmakers, authors, and actors who have been positive influences in my life. I've been lucky enough to do this many times this year with musicians. And, I got to do it again last night.

New music, new obsession: Fastball.

June 29, 2017.

  I said this at some point this year: this is the year of music. Last year was the year of spending money in order to conquer that fear. Seeing my original favorites Colin (happy birthday!) and Vertical Horizon - and now some recent newly-found bands - multiple times in the same year is a reality. I've seen Colin twice (back-to-back shows) so far and have two more shows lined up.

... you could show me a whole new world. We could stay up all night 'cause you never know what could happen.

Maryland and Virginia. Can you spot me in the top left photo?

  As crazy as it may seem, I saw Vertical Horizon on tour with Fastball and Everclear twice and with Blues Traveler once, all within eight days, in three different states. Though I recommend attending multiple shows in a single year, be ready for the withdraw and a yearning to attend more; I could easily take a month off and follow a band throughout the country. Not only is it a great way to meet fans and make new friends, the sceneries are breathtaking. The United States is beautiful. Making the last-minute decision to go to Maryland and Virginia on my own was the most spontaneous, adventurous thing I have ever done. It was worth the lack of sleep and 13 or so hours of driving.

What being a fan is really about.

June 12, 2017

  It's not about getting your photo taken with or of your favorite artist or band to impress others or to have something to boast. It's about living in the moment and creating a connection during the performance. Capturing a single or few photos is sufficient enough to recall one of many thrilling days you'll experience while you're here. You don't have to share the experience verbally or show with a photo to prove it happened. Take a single photo and then live in the precious time you're given.

  It's not about meeting the artist or band to get that photo or autograph. It's about having the chance to connect, relate stories, and ultimately binding and strengthening the circle with an unbreakable bow. It's about giving thanks for the sacrifices it takes to create music and to tour: being vulnerable to compose the music, forcing oneself to dark and light places of the soul in order to articulate haunting lyrics or instrumental notes, and being absent during monumental moments in family members' lives.

  It's not about proving you can afford the VIP treatment. It's about going the extra mile to invest in the artist's or band's craft; what you gain from it is invaluable and truly can't be bought. The positive impact music provides isn't a single, tightly-pressed package you find on a store shelf. If you have the means to do so, then great! If you don't, that's okay too; appreciation is often found in the simple, little things, such as writing thank-you letters or dropping off the artist's or band's favorite food!

  It's not about indulging in only the one-on-one time you get. It's about completing full circles as a group and between you and the other fans. Watching another fan's smile - sometimes even tears of joy - during a meet and greet is a beautiful moment to witness. The joy others experience can easily make you joyful, too. Don't be afraid to start conversations with other fans; everyone is already part of an exclusive, special group! Don't lose sight of your family or friends being in this with you, too. If you're blessed with that opportunity, seize it.

  It's not about proving you're the biggest fan by parading the plethora of memorabilia you own, memorizing all the lyrics of every song and never missing a beat, or having a tattoo dedicated to the artist or band. It's about expressing yourself in the ways that feel most right, doing what makes you feel good and things that respect the music and people associated with it, following your heart, and deciding the right time - if at all - to visibly show the fandom to others. Who's to say there are right or wrong ways to show you're a fan? There isn't one definition of how that looks.

  Never be ashamed to admit you're a fan - "just a fan" or "a confidently committed and passionate fan" - of an artist or a band. Heck, this holds true for sports fans, movie fans... fans of anything! Truth is, you're never the only one. No matter your level of fandom, the circle isn't complete without you.